


Endless Summer Hydrangea

by ChocoSMBondage



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: AU, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Moving On, My OC dies, Victor is an actor, Yuuri is a director, add as i go along, alternative universe, major angst, not the main leads, pining to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10032527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoSMBondage/pseuds/ChocoSMBondage
Summary: Victor is a well-known actor while Yuri is an established director.They chanced upon one another once before meeting on set of the filming of a tragic love story.Rumors say that it came from the director’s personal experience. That it was his way of documenting his life and presenting his story to the world. A story on his love; his first love, his one and only love. One that didn't include Victor.Victor who has fallen head over heels with Yuri decides to make the latter fall for him. Will he succeed in melting the frozen heart or will his love story too end up as tragic as the one he is filming?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this thought float around in my head for a while and managed to draft out a portion of the story. This is a major angst story which I took inspiration from this past work I had done on my blog.
> 
> I really wanted to write on how Victor helps Yuri move on from his past. I thought it would be interesting.

_“I promise a tomorrow with you. I promise a future with you. I swear to the moon and the stars, nothing can tear us apart.”_

_The raven haired just stood by the trees in shock. The wind that came by was gentle and soothing. Calming his racing heart and flush that had broken across his face._

_He was trying to take in the scene of what was happening. How his lover was down on a knee, with a ring. He had never thought that this was possible. All they ever had were the silent whispers and silent promises by the moon and the stars._

_With a tremble and uncontrollable happiness, the raven haired reached out for his lover. Pulling the older man to his feet, the raven haired broke out into his best smile and nodded. Grabbing the younger man’s hand, the platinum haired hesitantly donned the ring to its rightful place. The forth finger of the right hand – a tradition from the older man’s country._

_As like how their life had been filled with nothing but surprises from one another, the raven haired broke his trance of the ring to reach into his pockets. Out he fished a similar velvet box, in it, a ring of the same design._

_Like how the platinum haired had done, a ring on the forth finger of the right hand. The church from a street down rang its bells and the soft hum of the choir could be heard. It was 25 December after all._

_“Now we just need some Karavai.” The raven haired exclaimed with a light giggle as he felt his nerves set in, whilst constantly sneaking glances at the still stunned fiancé._

_Pulling the Japanese into his arms, the Russian broke into his brightest smile and teased, “No Daifuku or Kazunoko? I have been dying to taste them. Mama has been talking about it for months.”_

_Hand in hand, side by side, the newly engaged couple broke out into fits of laughter before heading back to their hotel._

_Nothing can tear us apart._

_To be able to walk together to the last day, was nothing but a blessing._

_To be able to just be in the arms of one another, was nothing but a sanctuary._

_To be able to breathe one’s last together, was nothing but a dream._

_Nothing can tear us apart – was what it should have been._

~~~

“Cut!” The shout echoed through the set as everyone, frozen, broke out of their trance.

“That is a wrap! Actors can rest while we check through the footage, however you are welcomed to look through it with us. Alright now take 5!” The usual timid man barked out orders before heading into the tent to re-watch the footage to for lighting and acting inspection.

 

“Yuri! How was my acting?” The previously somber man burst into the tent in search of the smaller sized director.

Everyone in the tent just gave the actor a small nod and smile as they directed him towards the engrossed director. He who is crouching by the screen, re-viewing the shoot and discussing with the other members on their thoughts.

Such interruptions were nothing out of the ordinary for those working on set, for the two had apparently been acquainted.

Victor’s random bursts of declarations around the more timid and shy director was an added bonus that only they could all enjoy. Nothing felt out of place, nothing felt weird.

Had there been any insistence that the atmosphere during filming is weird, it would be the burning chemistry between Victor and his co-actor; Shori, and the ever nostalgic look Yuri has every time he re-watches the shoots.

A look of nostalgia that Yuri is expressing this very moment.

 

A look of nostalgia so painful that each time Victor notices Yuri spotting it, the Russian could feel his heart constricting and his breathing being haggard. The notions to swipe that dazed look for one filled with love.

Except…

That nostalgia look is one that is filled with _love_ – _broken_ , _unrequited love_. Love that is apparently directed at the drama that they were currently working on. Love that is apparently directed at Victor’s character and never Victor himself.

 

This new drama was said to be inspired from a real story. A real somber story.

It tells the tale of a young man who fell in love with his coach. A tale where the couple overcame loads of obstacles to only reaffirm their love for one another and finally by 12th episode, they were set to be married.

A sweet and inspiring love story between two of the same gender that broke walls and boundaries, pushing limits and earning respects from many in the industry.

Besides the fact that by the 14th episode, things took a turn for the worse. The relationship crumbled as it met its greatest challenge; the coach was struck by a car and went into coma. It was not long did his lover finally passed despite the young man’s attentive care. Stuck in grief and nothing but endless memories, the young man swore himself to a life of solitary and took on his dead husband’s job.

 

A simple 16 episode series of pure love that ended in tragedy.

A simple storyline that is filled with so much more, despite the issues it presented and how it handled them.

Some may call it cliché. Some may say that it is forgettable. Some may just discredit this as those drama hookers made for a fujoshi.

When asked around, no one knew where it originated from. Rumors circulated that it came from the director’s personal experience. That it was his way of documenting his life and presenting his story to the world. A story on his love; his first love, his one and only love.

 

_And it hurts._

 

“Yuri~ Are you ignoring me?” Victor whined as he threw himself onto the unsuspecting director, who simply caught the flying man.

With a sigh and a light flick on the taller man’s forehead, Yuri giggled before sounding exasperated, “I’m busy.”

“But I am your precious main lead! How could you not pay attention to me~” The older man continued whining when Yuri turned his attention back to the screen for a final look.

The longing that those brunette eyes hid was stifling. Victor felt his heart slowly breaking apart from within as the eyes that he longed for, never spared him a sight.

 

_Yuri._

_Yuri, could you just turn? Turn and look at me._

_Yuri, please…_

 

“Alright! That is a wrap. We can all start to pack and leave for the day!” With an excited jump, Yuri got to his feet and announced the news of the day. Everyone heaved and resumed their excited chatters.

Victor who was startled by the other’s sudden movements, fell and by the time he was up, Yuri had already be talking to Shori.

 

_Yuri… What would I do for you to just look at me for even a second?_

 

.*.*.*.

When Yuri and I first met, it was on the set of another drama he was working on; Natsuyuki Rendezvous. I had entered the wrong set by accident that day. Anxious to leave and avoid disturbing the filming, I ended up tripping on the loose cables. My stumbled broke the performance and I felt terribly guilty for leaving without an apology.

Normally I would have stayed to ease the situation but that day I was running late. Yakov would have my head if he knew I was late and had went into the wrong studio. Being a foreigner in a foreign land, trying to be a special guest on a show, was hard. Especially without any chaperone or my manager.

Wracked with guilt, I slipped off to get a simple bouquet of carnations. After my recording was complete for the day, I headed towards the set I had disturbed and was surprised to see that they were still filming.

While it had been a different scene, I was caught off guard by the stiff acting and incoherent lines. _Are these really the new generations of actors that many raved about? I would rather they stick to their idol careers instead, belittling acting like it was just another cornerstone to conquer. Rookies._

 

“Cut.” The shout while not loud, wasn’t as soft either. Everyone knew that it was a horrible take, no mistaking it. The female lead was anxious, looking everywhere but the director, while the male lead was being arrogant.

“Director, you are breaking my focus.” He exclaimed, as a cover up for his horrendous and non-existent acting skills.

“Sorry for that! B-but I think you should have placed more focus on the latter part of the sentence. Not only that, I think it would be best had you acted based on your feelings and not an idolized version of the character. You should blend with the character not just embody the character.” The director explained.

“A-ah, but that is what I thought. It is always great for the actor to express the character the way he thinks it should be.”

With a gentle smile, the director expressed his thoughts before calling for a break.

 

_What a kind person. But would it really translate well to the actor?_

 

Apparently, it did. When the camera started rolling once more, the actors felt more fluid and smooth. Their actions felt more realistic and clear. The lines felt less of a cheesy rom-com and more of those at the spur of the moment – an add lip.

Captivated by the sight, I stayed there in the background with the bouquet, silently watching the young director orchestrate and harmonized the acting.

Had it not been for Yakov’s relentless phone calls, I would have not wanted to leave. With reluctance, I left the bouquet with an assistant and exited as quiet as I came.

When I left, I could not help but wonder, _whether I could see him once more…_

 

~~~

And that was about 1 year ago.

“Vitya, two job offers just came in today. You have been offered a role in this upcoming movie in Russia and a drama role in Japan.”

“Really? That is rare.”

“Andrey Konchalovskiy has offered the spot for his latest movie while the other director is known as someone called Yuri Katsuki. I am about to reject the spot for the Japanese drama so I am calling to just inform –”

“No! Yakov, please accept Katsuki Yuri’s offer!”

~~~

It had turned out to be the best decision I had ever made. Seeing him had made me unable to stop smiling. I could feel my stomach do circles each time I see him. My heart felt like it was going to pop out at any moment.

As if it was part of my instinct, I wanted to constantly impress her. I threw myself into the role, to be the perfect embodiment of the character that I heard was crafted by him. With a toothy grin that dazzled against the mild sunlight entering the room through the only window of the studio, I could not help but recall our first conversation.

 

_As with how sudden the job offer came, I packed and immediately flew to Japan. With a rough memory of the studio’s location, I hailed a taxi. It was a fool-hardy’s chance as I headed around blindly, unknowing of whether I would run into the man of my dreams._

_Reckless and foolish, I knew Yakov would give me a tough lecture but I paid no heed to it. For the sake of love and my feelings, this was the best I could do._

_At the studio, I entered every set room available. With my charms, an easy smile and sparkle allowed me to roam around without questions that was until I heard a cough behind me._

_“E-excuse me sir, but are you lost?”_

_“No, on contrary, I was looking for you, Yuri!” There he stood. The man of my dreams was right in front of me. With an oversized sweater and his adorable blue framed spectacles, I could not help but be in awe of how young he looks when in fact he is only 4 years my junior._

_“M-me? You are looking for me?” He stuttered before readjusting his spectacles._

_“I am Victor Nikiforov, the other male lead to you upcoming drama; Endless Summer Hydrangea.”_

_At the sound of my name, I saw his ochre orbs lit up, sparkling before he reached for my hands. Was it in the way his eyes glistened or was it in his dreamy smile, for I felt lost in him. A shiver ran down my spine as I fell under the spell of his blinding beauty._

_“It will be a pleasure working with you! But why are you with your luggage, the filming does not start till months later?” With a cock of his head to the side, and eyes filled with curiosity – oh god, someone help me._

_“I decided to come by early to check things out but because it is a last minute decision, I have no place to stay.” It was the truth._

_“Then why not stay-over at mine! I have a roommate but he is currently on a location shooting in Hokkaido and won’t be back for a couple more days. That is besides the main point, I can assure you that we have an extra room fit for you!”_

_“I would be glad.” I am really weak to his smiles._

.*.*.*.

“Wow! Your apartment is so tiny!” I could not help but exclaim.

“Tiny? Makes me wonder what type of house you stay in~” Yuri chimes in with his light a frank sassy mood.

“So where do I sleep?” I questioned, as innocent as I could. I could not just have him put off with me on the very first day.

“Let me show you.”

 

He led the way through the living room and down a simple corridor.

“The first door is the shared toilet. The door opposite it is Phichit’s and the door at the end is mine. Yours used to be a study room but because I used to spend hours in it, so I moved a bed in. Right now, it doubles as both. Hope you do not mind the mess, it has been a while since I actually cleared it.”

 

I could feel my heart soar as he smiled sheepishly. The way his eyes narrow to emphasize on the emotions that it held, the way his smile reached his eyes… A bewitching sight.

My heart went wild as I took in the adorable sight. How had no one discovered his beauty, is a mystery and a loss, for this sight signified that it was meant for my eyes only.

 

I roamed around the room, taking in the space while observing Yuri from the corner of my eyes. Just on our second meeting, he has me smitten and captivated. I simply could not keep my eyes off him.

“Can I add a sofa?”

“E-eh? If it fits?”

_So cute~_

Nodding at the reply, I took another glance as I unloaded my bags in the room. It was then did my eyes catch sight of a standing photo frame by the desk. Curious I approached it.

In the center was a little family. A young boy with the ever familiar blue framed spectacles and a blinding grin. Beside him was this taller blonde. Unfamiliar with the sight, I whispered, “Who is he?”

 

“A-ah! Wait! Stop looking at that! This is so embarrassing…” Yuri panicked as he tried to pry the frame out of my hands.

I could not take my eyes off this warmth that the image was emitting. The way the shorter boy smiled melted his heart. _Just like Yuri…_

 

“I cannot believe he actually had it framed up in here!” With a huff and a puff of his cheeks, Yuri kept grumbling and muttering about this ‘he’.

“Who is he?” I questioned as innocent as I could despite the bubbling envy in my chest.

 

“He is my husband, Nikolai. We were married a year back.”

With his free hand, he nervously tucked his stray hair to the back of his ears while glancing to the floor. Shy as he ever was, avoiding eye contact with me. I could see how his blush spread from his cheeks, to the tip of his ears and down his neck.

A lovely flush of red that looks absolutely stunning against his skin, in contrast to his rich dark hair.

 

“Sadly, he passed away.”

As he stood around fidgeting in hesitance, I caught the gleam on his finger. A bright glint against the low lights on the forth finger of his right hand.

 

In my culture, it was a sign that this person was married. However…

“Yuri, your ring…”

Startled by my sudden question, he lifted his right hand to sight. There laid a simple and plain golden wedding band. No designs nor a diamond, just a simple golden ring.

At the sight of the ring, I wanted to turn. Despite knowing that Yuri is widower, a man who was tied to another by the law and through an endless stream of promises. It didn’t help my case of pursuing the man. To see the object and prove of their love despite all that had happened, left a foul taste in my mouth.

“I thought…”

Lost for words, I struggled to prevent the awkward silence form setting in.

 

“He was a Russian, just like you. According to customs, a ring on the forth finger on the ring hand, signifies the union of 2. Upon the death of the other, it goes to the forth finger on the left hand. But I could not bear to do it.

This is a product of our love, carved from his existence. I could not bear to just stick to traditions. I do not want a constant reminder that he is gone. I have plenty already.”

His eyes soften at the sight of the ring. Like an oasis, the shimmer from the ring seemed to calm his nerves and hold him back together. Unconsciously, I watched as he gave the ring a light peck.

“A-ah, s-sorry for the display! It has been a habit of mine since he gave me the ring. It gives me strength and confidence to deal with things even after he was gone. I just – Unconsciously…”

 

“It is fine. How lucky~ your husband must have been the world’s happiest man.”

 

_If only that had been me…_

 

Since then, I unofficially moved over to his house and have been a sort of permanent fixture in his life.

Just like how his husband had been.

 

 

_It was late in the night when Victor stumbled upon a secret. Yuri was a night owl, only turning in after 3am in the morning. As filming has yet to officially begin, work mostly consists of mainly script reading and script editing._

_Being both the script writer and director of the show, Yuri would often take it upon himself to work to the wee hours of the morning, going through each scene and envisioning how he plans each scene should be._

_At times when he is stuck, Yuri would often bundle in his blankets with a cup of hot cocoa, re-watching this video on his laptop._

_There are times where Victor would accidently walk in on the moment, only to have Yuri switch the tabs and exit into his room._

_Victor did not need to know what the video was about. All he needed to know was that each time Yuri watched the video, he would always reach out to caress the screen before silently weeping._

 

 

_“Yuri, there is a razor in by the sink. Is it yours?”_

_“…I guess you can say that?”_

_“Yuri! I found this adorable ‘I_ _♡_ _My Poodle’ mug! Can I use it?”_

_“Ah! It belongs to Nikolai. But if you do not mind, you can use it.”_

_“Yuri, that shirt…”_

_“This? I wonder if it looks weird on me… It is one of my favourite shirts from Nikolai… Victor, does it look weird?” The honesty that he expects…_

_“Relax, it suits you!”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His smile is really one of my favourite things in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, an update which is mostly in Yuri's POV! I hope it is not too confusing!! But I really wanted to let you have a better understanding the dynamics behind Yuri's past relationship and the evolving relationship Yuri has with Victor.
> 
> Shoutout to @Megu and @CherryTheThird for commenting in the previous chapter. I wrote this story because I have always believed that Yuri would have at least a relationship or two that never went too far before Victor. I always imagined Yuri to have this irresistible charm and a bad habit of being unable to reject people's confessions! I just want to explore the possibilities.
> 
> But enough about my thoughts. There will be some timeskips around in the story, so be prepared. Also not everything that happened between Yuri and Victor is mentioned, so just take it as Victor did alot for Yuri. 
> 
> Now, enjoy the story!

“Good morning! Today’s schedule is to complete the important crash scenes by the end of the day. So the actors involved will be Victor, Shori and Phichit. Let us welcome them on set.”

The producer announced while the rest of the team welcomed the stars onto set to start off the day.

 

Returning a polite bow to the applause, each of them entered the set in their costumes. Phichit with his ever brilliant smiles and occasional set selfies; Shori with his cool and quiet demeanor that does no justice to his outstanding acting skills; Victor winking at everyone he sees before bouncing around in via of my affection.

It has been months since I’ve first met Victor.

Like a storm, he stumbled his way into my life. Like a sun, his smile encourages me to do my best when I fret. Like a cloud, he was fickle and dainty.  There are times where I could not help but reference him against the thousands that I have met and possibly forgotten.

Victor – a talented actor that is at the peak of his career, having won countless of awards internationally and locally. A known prodigy in the industry. With his styled bangs that covers his left eyes, matching cerulean orbs and a fair skin, it is a refreshing sight in the sea of brunettes and ravens. A true beauty, befitting of the title: Embodiment of the Gods.

_Somewhat similar to Nikolai_

Like Nikolai, he would was warm. He would often find me when I’m struggling, helping me to swim past my anxiety at times. Like Nikolai, he was slowing become my anchor.

The difference between both was how Victor was Victor, he isn’t my hero but someone I aspire and was inspired by.

 

 

“Alright, before we begin, let me introduce you guys to our stunt expert for the day, Christophe Giacometti.”

“Hi~ my name is Christophe Giacometti but feel free to call me, Chris! Looking forward to working with you all.” With his signature two-toned blond and brown undercut, the Swiss gave his infamous wink. Unlike all other stunt doubles or experts in the industry, Chris is one that oozes out sex appeal.

In addition to his role as a stunt expert, Chris is also a well-known actor that often appears in daunting and racy indie films which borders between the edge of romance and erotica.

 

“Chris! You never told me that Yuri managed to grab you on board the drama!”

“He threatened me not to.”

Hearing the two exclamations, Yuri could not but sigh as the acusations. It was more of a matter that Chris lost to Yuri in a pole-dancing dance-off. As a reward, Chris had to help Yuri in his film under the promise to not spill the beans to Phichit.

Who knows what kind of mischief the two Instagram beauties would unleash had Chris told Phichit of his participation!?

 

.*.*.

 

_It was a quiet and snowy evening._

_“Phichit, would you prefer chicken soup or…”_

_“Miso~ Yuri, can’t you just whip up your signature miso soup?” The usually slightly higher pitched voice was nasal and dry._

_“Nikolai has yet to shop at his favourite nuts shop, so we won’t be back soon.”_

_With a giggle, Yuri continued chatting with his feverish best friend while Nikolai just stared scandalously at the words his husband had just sprouted. Chris just laughed it off before fishing his phone in ready for a selfie for his lover._

_It was a quiet and peaceful evening – one that should have stayed the same._

_All of a sudden, they heard screams and screeches from the back. Alarmed, they turned to see that a car had lost control and had barged onto the pedestrian pavement. Frightened for their life, they ran to the side to avoid the car like many behind them. Except, in the middle of the car’s path was a little child._

_He was shaking and tearing. His knees had gone soft and he could not move from the impending danger. His mother was a few feet in front and was running to get the fallen boy._

_She would not make it in time._

_It was a split second decision. Yuri turned in ready to jump out but before he could do anything, he saw flashes of a familiar blonde running towards the kid in his stead. Things took a turn down the speed meter._

_Like a matrix movie, things moved at a slower paced, on a fixed path. There was no miracle, there was no hope._

_Had it not been for the cries of the boy that sliced through the silence, everyone was stuck trying to process the event._

_No._

_The kid was fine. The mother reached her child moments after the crash, cradling the terrified boy in her arms, crying her heart out._

_No, it can’t be._

“Yuri?”

Chris nudged against the stiff raven who was clutching onto the script tightly to his chest. His eyes were frantic as if searching for something, anything… His breathing haggard and body trembling. Just like that day.

 

The scene was a huge déjà vu.

 

“E-eh! C-cut! It seems alright, Chris could you run through the motions with everyone once more? I do not want anyone to be hurt on set.”

“Si~” A suggestive wink that helped relieve the tension and calmed Yuri. A chatter of collective agreement sounded as everyone bounded off to their respective positions. The make-up artists touching and retouching the hair strands that have fallen out of place, the light masters tightening the screws for the various lights overhead and cameramen adjusting the angles for a comprehensive yet compelling shot.

It was not long before the films started to role, capturing the entire scene once more.

 

That night, Yuri heaved about in his bed.

 

_With a rugged and uneven footing, the raven tried to take a step forward. He could hear his heart screaming for it to be a lie. He was praying for it to be the usual prank, where Nikolai would leap from the bushes and scare him._

_This is not funny babe._

_Not funny._

_Please tell me that you are awake._

_Please._

_We have so much left to do. You can’t just… You can’t._

_Except nothing happened. Despite the insistent pleas, no one was popping from the bushes. Leery, Yuri ran towards the debris filled snow. Before he could reach the site, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him._

_He felt his skip a beat._

_Nikolai?_

_No it wasn’t._

_It was just Chris, trying to maintain his cool, fighting to keep his tears at bay._

**_No_ **

****

_Yuri felt his heart sank. With a tough struggle, he managed to break free from the cold hands and maneuvered through the debris in search of life. There in a corner just meters away from the wreckage, was a lifeless body._

_There instead of the ever familiar blond tufts, it was platinum grey. Without the familiar dimples, nor the simple obnoxiously color coat. This was a muted black coat._

_Victor?_

 

At the sight, I jumped out of bed and panted. It has been a while since I’ve had nightmares. To think that for the first nightmare in a while to feature Victor instead of Nikolai… _What exactly is happening?_

At the sight of Victor’s lifeless body gave my heart chills. It ached and felt constricted. _Was I falling for him?_

 

_I can’t._

_I can’t!_

There was no denying that I am extremely grateful for the extra company. With Phichit’s bust schedule, we hardly ever meet each other apart from our allocated filming slot.

 

_But I can’t fall for Victor._

Each time I gradually warmed up to the man, I felt haunted. Unlike Phichit, the number of times I would return home to a warm embrace from the warm Russia was stifling at most.

It was if a warning, to say: _Do not ever forget how much you really loved Nikolai._

It felt like a betrayal, it felt like an abandonment, it felt like I was lost.

 

_It was in the midst of a cooling night when I had just completed editing parts of the script for tomorrow’s filming. Searching for a distraction as a means of a change in rhythm, I headed out to the living. Exhausted, I stalked out in silence as I recalled the things I needed to complete the next day, or rather in the morning._

_As I approached the shared room, I saw the faint light from the late night show, Osomatsu-san. Curious at the culprit, I sneaked a look over to the couch. There laid Victor haphazardly cradling a little pup in his hands._

_With the flickering lights being the only light source in the room, his platinum tresses shone. His flush distinct while his chest moved in rhythm to Vicchan’s. Not a word nor a sound – he must be sleeping._

_We had a long session that morning before Victor was whisked away to meet his sponsors and complete his other jobs for the day. Seeing the unusually quiet Russian rest, I sat by his sleeping figure, tracing those prominent wrinkles on his forehead whilst watching him inch away from my cool fingers and into the warm makeshift lounge bed._

_‘Cute~’_

_He looked so peaceful in his sleep even as I messed with his messy hairs. Finally deciding that it was time, I unconsciously bent for a peck on his forehead, only to see an endearing smile._

_Drained, I stumbled around in the dark to get a warm soak before turning in for the day. That was until I spotted a note._

_Yuri,_

_I have prepared your change of clothes and your bubble bath._

_On the table in the shared space, I left a cup of warm milk._

_Drink it when you are done, I made it before I slept so it should be cooled when you have it._

_Try not to spend too long soaking unless you want to prune._

_Please turn in soon._

_Love, Victor_

 

 

_Why do this for me?_

 

My heart aches. It screams to me that I can’t. I shouldn’t.

 

Yet, when I see Victor smile, I feel my heart flutter. I can feel my blush. I feel lightheaded. Seeing Victor whine when denied, it made me feel powerful to know that I alone, holds his full attention.

 

With Nikolai, maybe it was one that is filled with something different. Being able to show him my weakness, silently supporting him… The lingering affections that stemmed from years and years of adoration that never really broke past its boundaries… The knowledge that as long as I am his most important person, enough that he would marry me despite occasional signs that he too was interested in others – was enough.

With Nikolai, as long as I could stay by his side, nothing really mattered because I really did loved him.

 

Nevertheless, with Victor, maybe… Just maybe… _This affection that I feel, is something that goes beyond that of my love for Nikolai._

.*.*.*.*.

 

“Yuri. What kind of a person is Nikolai?”

“Nikolai? He was my hero, I guess.”

 

“Hero?”

 

With a soft smile and distant look, Yuri leaned against the arm of the coach.

“I was often bullied when I was younger because I was a chubbier child, loved ballet and photography. During one of the attacks, I managed to escape and got lost. Afraid and tired, I sat by the side of the road crying. Nikolai stumbled upon me and brought me home. If it was not because of Nikolai, I have no idea what would have happened to me.”

 

“Wow.” A dry and mixed response.

 

“I cannot count the number of times he saved me since then. He was strong and kind. He would always know where to find me no matter how far I went. Sometimes I wonder if it was due to the Italian blood that flowed through him or if it was because he was just simply different.

He made me the person I am today. I really owed a lot to him. Which is why, apart from being my lover, he was first and foremost, my hero. The one I looked up, the one I envied, the one whose attention I seeked.”

 

_“Nikolai! Let’s play!”_

_“Nikolai, when are you coming back?”_

_“Nikolai.”_

“I guess no matter how many years has passed, he would always be my one and only hero. Although he can be quite a libidinous at times.” With a giggle and blinding smile that really expresses his age, his love and his pain, somehow I felt my vision darkening.

 

“But Yuri, from what I am hearing, it sounds like you just really respected him.”

 

With a brow arched up, Yuri was startled by the obvious reflection of his words.

“I do respect him. What is wrong with that?”

 

“Nothing. It just seems to me that maybe the love you’ve had was nothing more than just, Philia.”

_The love of mind._

“How could you even be sure?”

“From what you’ve said, it just sounds like it. You are in love with a man who shares the same values and dispositions as you. Your feelings were reciprocated. Yet it felt nothing more than that of sincerity and platonic.”

 

With a slam on the table, Yuri stared straight into me.

“I just know!”

 

Like a deer caught in headlight, he clenched his fist before standing up and leaving. With tears in his eyes, he blurted,

_“You have no idea what it means to fall in love! You will never understand it!”_

His words echoed through the walls of the house, crashing the silence and stifling the mood. Yuri had just left the apartment in a fit of anger, grabbing nothing but his coat and keys.

With a slam of the door when he left, I felt my anger rose. What rights did he have to belittle my feelings for him? Everything I’ve done was for him, and only him. I love Yuri with the very fiber of my being, yet all he ever thinks of is that bastard of a man that left him. What good would it do for a man who has been wiped off the face of this planet, to still receive such a pure, undying love?

_Why couldn’t it be directed at me?_

As my thoughts collected itself, I knew I was in the wrong. I should not have joked about removing his ring. I should not have tried to appease him by reminding him of the love that was not to be.

_Things were not meant to turn out this way._

_Yet, why do they always end up like this?_

_Why?_

 

At the weight of my guilt, I fell to my knees and started to tidy up the messed up room. Yuri had stormed out without any warning and was in a need to calm down. Like the stubborn fellow I was, it would do him some good to just wait his anger off.

.*.*.*.

As the gentle breeze took away my fleeting anger, I sat unmoving; just simply longing for the skies.

The memories that came with this park at this very bench were striking that I didn’t take any notice of the figure that sat by me. When I finally realized his presence, I whispered, “I used to sit here and wait for Nikolai. Adamant that he would show up, I would buy a can of coffee from the vending machine and sit here waiting.”

_Every evening at dusk, since we first met, Nikolai would be waiting for me by the bench tucked in a quiet section of the park. With the excuse of taking an evening stroll, I would slip out of the house, away from Phichit, in order to bask in his presence._

_It soon became a routine where everyone knew that once dusk came, I was to go with the light and return only when the clock strikes 12._

_Those rendezvous would differ from as some would be raunchy, steamy sessions while others be just simple cuddles as we bid farewell to the sun and watch the specks of stars, scatter across the dark obsidian sky._

_“I see the Ursa Major! Minor should be nearby! Nikolai, do you see it?”_

_“…”_

_Silence ensured but I took no notice as I was too caught up in my little quest to search for the little dipper._

_“Ah! I found it! Nikolai, did you know that there is this myth regarding love and hate, revolving around the two dippers? Well apparently Zeus and a nymph fell in love and had a child. Out of jealousy, the nymph and her son into the two constellations that why we have – Are you paying attention?”_

_Finally catching up with the silence, I directed my attention onto the silent body beside me. I sat up from lying on his chest to straddling him. His eyes were void yet full of love and gentle kindness. Curious and mischievous, I tried to pinch the bridge of his nose._

_Before I could reach my target, he gently flicked my forehead. With a doting smile, his hand lightly caressed my cheeks as he kept his eyes tuned on mine. His intense and passionate stares sent chills down my spine as I fought the blush that threatened to cover my entire face in shades of red._

_Feeling shy and embarrassed, I held onto his hands and pouted._

_“What are you looking at?”_

_Once more with the warm look and his husky voice, he replied affectionately…_

_“You.”_

_Almost immediately, my face lit up and turned into a ripe red tomato._

_“Lier.”_

_“It is true. I was and am currently, staring at the brightest star in the galaxy. The prettiest one out of all. Yuri – my shining star.”_

_“… Shameless …”_

_Hearing my flustered reply, he broke out into pearls of melodious laughter before tugging me down – enveloping me in his arms._

_It had me wishing that time would stop…_

 

“If we ever fought, I would always run here and just sit in silence. He would come searching for me here.”

The platinum haired man stayed silent before passing a can of warm coffee over. Roasted – just the way I like them.

“When I first found out about his accident, I rushed over. But he was still in intensive care, and the situation was grim. Doctors were certain that he would not live past that night. I stayed by him. Day in, day out, I stayed there as best as I could, just simply wishing that he would wake up.

But things never ever turned out the way I wanted them to be. It was hard during the first couple of months he left me.”

 

A blanket of silence fell as I struggled to find the appropriate words while trying to hold myself together. My knees bunched up against my chest, my arms wrapped tightly around them, my head resting in valley.

In a haze, I could see my thoughts, my memories of Nikolai flash past me.

 

_A young little blond boy stood in front of a crouching raven haired. The smaller of the two was crying until he saw a hand reach out to him._

_“Hi, my name is Nikolai. What is yours? Are you lost?”_

_“Y-yu…”_

_“Yu? Me?”_

_Shaking his head, the raven haired whispered, “Y-yuri.”_

 

_Like the ever so bubbly kid he was when he wasn’t shy, Yuri jumped onto the older boy who had dropped by the onsen to visit. Yuri knew that no matter what, Nikolai would always catch him._

_“Nikolai! I missed you!”_

_“Yuri! I missed you too!”_

_After an intensive editing session of the latest film that he had been working on, Yuri slouched against his chair while sitting haphazardly in attempts to relax himself. It was about 4 in the morning when he had finally completed the final check._

_As he sat in the wake of his coffee run, he could not help but pout. It has been a week since he last saw Nikolai and Yuri missed him. That year was the mark on their decade long relationship and an even longer friendship. Staring at their couple photo by the table, Yuri could not help but sigh._

_“I wish you could be here.”_

_It was a silent wish for the impossible. Nikolai was on a business trip to Osaka and would not be back in a couple more days. Frustrated at the lack of attention, Yuri recollected his emotions and repositioned himself to a more comfortable position. Just as he was moving, he felt a light peck on his cheeks._

_“Wish granted, milady~”_

_And there he was, in his full glory, still cold from the snow. Kneeling beside Yuri, wearing a crisp navy suit. Without hesitation, Yuri pushed forward and embraced him._

_It had truly been too long…_

At the last of those memories, I turned towards the silent man. Just like he had done when we first fought, he sat by me. Those clear cerulean orbs were filled with guilt, hate and worry. He reminded me a loyal pup; standing guard, silently protecting my fragile state.

 

“Yuri.”

“Hmm?” He took a hesitant step and closed the gap between us before embracing me tightly in his arms, carefully adjusting me onto his lap, like the fragile being I am. I did not resist. More like I could not resist. Seeing his haggard state, I could feel the twinge in guilt. Feeling his arms wrap around me, I could feel myself caving into the warmth, his comfort.

 

A thought crossed my mind; _Victor, I missed you._

To have someone worry over my safety, to have someone cry over my injuries, to have someone who was not my family, genuinely care for me…

_I really missed it all._

_This comfort between two people._

“Victor, thank you for finding me.”

 

He tightened his grip on me; afraid that if I let go, I would disappear from his sight once more. I could feel him slowly take in my state, slowly put back the broken pieces of my shattered heart.

“Shall we return?” His eyes begging for forgiveness.

 

To hear his voice break, to hear him shatter his image, to hear his apology…

 

I forcefully lifted my arms, numb from the cold, and returned the embrace.

_“Lets.”_

.*.*.

_“Yuri, I found a stray on the way home and decided to adopt it!” The Russian man burst into the house late evening flaunting the little poodle in his hands._

_“What is its name?”_

_“I have yet to think of it. Mmm… Yuri, do you have any suggestions?”_

_“Vicchan.”_

_“Yes?”_

_“No, not you. I am saying that we should call the little fellow, Vicchan.”_

_With his famous thousand watt heart shaped smile, Victor nodded in agreement before cooing after the poodle who seems to enjoy his name._

_Melting at the exchange between the two somewhat similar pups, mainly Victor who was trying to communicate in dog barks and the little poodle who was readily responding, Yuri just stood by the gantry, smiling._

_His smile is really one of my favourite things in the world._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to maybe elaborate on certain events or anything, feel free to comment below! I might be doing a little extra chapter, but that is if I can! I am currently busy with my studies and all!
> 
> Oh! By the way, if interested, you guys can check out my other Victuri works, such as Bliss and Autumn of you. Although I would really prefer Bliss because it gave me some fluff love?
> 
> Promotions aside, as always, feel free to drop me any comments. I will try to reply you, if not look out for the top notes!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Edit: Nikolai is a mix between Italian and Russian.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Vicchan!”
> 
> “Yuri.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fallen in love with this song and i felt that it fits perfectly with this scene. So you can [listen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5cyZ7uRvTM) to it as you read and if you are [lost](http://aarunomura.tumblr.com/post/144441082180/%E6%98%9F%E3%81%A0%E3%81%91%E3%81%8C%E7%9F%A5%E3%82%8B-nebulas-romaji-english-translation)
> 
> Enjoy~

_Reaching down to the lifeless hand, the brunette brought the cold limb to his lips. Pecking a quick kiss onto the hands that he was ever so familiar with, the brunette seemed to have made a wish._

_“I love you no matter what.”_

_With a hoarse and dried voice, the tearful brunette sang. He could feel his heart tremor and crack at each word of the song._

_“Forever we’re together”_

_The brunette tightened his hold on his sleeping beauty’s unconscious palm._

_  
“Surely it’s a promise”_

_The tears that were welling in the brunette’s eyes started to spill, a drop at a time._

_  
“It’s tearing me to pieces”_

_He paused for a moment to reclaim himself as he felt himself choking._

_The words which he could not continue singing; his verse, his part. Somehow, those words were the hardest to say. No matter how hard he tried to calm himself, no matter how hard he tried to soften his cries, no matter how hard he tried to keep a tight grasp onto the man lying lifelessly in front him… He knew that his beloved was already slipping far from his reach._

_“I-I can only… express well the things I believe in”_

_Once more he tried. Except this time, he skipped into the next verse._

_  
“It’s because you’re there… that I can be myself…”_

_His sight was blurry. His face was full of snort. His grip of steel on the dying man._

_  
“I-I want to hold you, I want to hold you but I-I can't_ _”_

_He could not take it anymore. His beloved has once more, gone out of his reach._

_“I-I love you… No matter what…”_

_Like a prayer, a threat, a sign; all he wants at this moment for a miracle._

_Once more, he wants to feel the warmth in these palms that he was clinging to. Once more, he wants to be able to hear the soft chuckle to his bad puns. Once more, he wants to hear the husky voice whisper his name._

_He was greedy. In fact, he wants his beloved to open his eyes. He wants his beloved to respond. A twitch is fine. He just wants his beloved to continue to fight for conscious. He wants so much…_

_He wants the future that they had planned out._

_He wants to be able to sit by their balcony and cuddle. He wants to be able to adopt at least 12 kids with his beloved. He wants to be able share a single cup of coffee with his beloved while their kids fussed about with their day._

_He wants to return to an apartment where his lover is resting by the couch while waiting for him. He wants to sleep in a bed where his lover is resting in, to embrace the warm body in the midst of a freezing winter. He wants to be able to kiss those soft lips of his lover and be relieved off the pressure from a tough day of work._

_There is so much more… So much promises made…_

_And yet, here they are._

_‘Beep’ ‘Beep’ – the heart rate monitor chimes in on the heavy atmosphere. The slow and almost barely there rates that were struggling to go on; as if the patient was on his last string._

_‘Beep’ ‘Beep’ ‘Beep’ – a sudden change of tides as the heart rates started to pick up._

_And as sudden as the increase, a flat tone followed._

_Long and droning it was. The flat tone echoed in the already silent room, filling the occupants and visitors with a sense of dread as their eyes were locked onto the frozen brunette._

“Cut!”

The shout pierced through the set, killing the camera and cueing the arousal of everyone in the room. Some were seen drying their eyes. Some seemed depressed.

All had their attention captured by the beautiful portrayal of love and grief; unsure if it was due to the acting skills of those involved or was it due to the devastatingly impactful script.

 

Shori stood up while drying his face. The makeup artist fussed beside him tried to remedy the flowy and runny makeup.

Victor roused from his sleep like a graceful vampire. The pale makeup that he had caked on was in the midst of being touched up, for the final scene.

 

“That was amazing Shori! Victor too! Great job guys. Now let’s adjourn for a 10 minutes break while we start working on the next set for the next scene.”

Yuri barked out the orders in a lighthearted manner. A way, different from how he was before this scene. The normally haggard director that was often on the verge of tears, seems to be more relaxed.

 

“Victor that was amazing!” Shori exclaimed while trying to get rid of the remaining snort. His auburn eyes sparkled for attention.

“That was nothing. Anyone can just lie on a bed and sleep! It really is one of my favourite perks of acting. Now excuse me, I would like to speak to Yuri.” Victor tightened the robe against his sick patient like drapes, hastily excusing himself from the crowd.

Somehow, after the scene, he could not help but feel that Yuri had taken off to the nearest gent’s cubicle to brawl his eyes out. An ugly cryer – he says but to Victor, Yuri crying, was more heart wrenching than ugly.

Flashing his usual smile, Victor took a glance across the room before gracefully avoiding most of the cast and crew. His attention locked solely on the tuft of tousled slick back hair that belonged to the love of his life.

Without any waivers, without any hesitation, Victor approached the crouching figure. Every second, every minute, every hour was extremely precious especially now that the end of the filming was drawing to a close.

 

~~~

 

_“I love you no matter what.”_

_The words that sound eerily similar to the lines from the script that he had spent the previous night revising. Without the music or a trace of the song available online, Victor was having difficulties imagining how the song went and what it meant._

_“I love you no matter wha-at~”_

_The light strumming of the guitar echoed after the lone and barely audible voice. Frozen in his spot, hidden by the slightly ajar door, Victor leaned against the wall as he took in the ache and sadness the soothing voice carried._

_The flower I grieved over believed also in sinful words_  
It’s so beautiful, innocently entrusting itself to me  
Quietly (quietly) by each other’s side for life  
Firmly (firmly) I want to embrace you   
Love is just too painful

 _“Even though.”_  
“…To this day.”  
“I love you…” 

_Caught in the whirlwind of emotions, Victor slid onto the floor releasing the single breathe that he had unconsciously held. There was the usual pang, the usual throb that aches as the declaration of love that wasn’t directed to him. The love that didn’t belong._

_Feeling lost, he threw his upward graze down to the wooden flooring. Sighing, he remained against the wall, on the floor, running his hands through his locks. Empty and tired, he dragged his legs closer to his chest. His arms wrapped around, bringing his legs closer to himself._

_Like a tightly wounded spring, Victor rested his forehead against his knees while taking in deep breaths. As if a signal or sign, the angelic voice from the room soon stopped as Victor closed his eyes._

_The first song that caught his attention had ended abruptly after the line of confession, as if the singer had forgotten how the song went. The strumming went on for a while before stopping just as abruptly._

_Reluctant to move, Victor just hunched there. Silent, brooding, empty…_

_He heard the snapping of a string, he heard the stutters and the inconsistent rhythms from the guitar. The tune felt like it was supposed to be an accompaniment but yet it was the man focus._

_Unused to the sudden spotlight, the strumming stopped altogether. A soft chuckle was heard instead._

_“It was as you had predicted. To think the song that we loved would be the one I forget. Just like I have… for you…”_

_Yuri?_

_“Maybe it was fate. But since the day he came into the picture, I couldn’t help but wonder, if it was alright for me to move on… I guess the answer is clear. I’m sorry.”_

_A soft thud followed by this swift pull and a swift close. Victor had scrambled out of his sulking state and stared into the crack of the door. There he saw Yuri in his favourite grey sweat shirt and dark sweat pants by the drawer of his dresser._

_He looked hesitant and distant. But that was how the younger man always was; keeping a careful distance from others so as to not bring them harm, to not trouble them with his sufferings and to not bother them._

_Was he planning to take something out?_

_No_

_He was putting something in._

_Like a beacon of hope, Victor saw Yuri lift his left hand as it attempted to remove something from his right. Under the low light, the item glistened before disappearing forever into the depths of the drawer._

_~~~_

Since then, Yuri never worn his ring – at least not in Victor’s sight.

Who was the ‘he’? Was it him – the world’s most sought-after actor Victor Nikiforov or just Victor Nikiforov, the dork, the most air-headed man around?

Could there be someone else that Victor had no knowledge of? Was it Shori? – No, that is technically impossible for experience has told him that Shori saw Yuri more as an enemy rather than a love interest.

 

Was Yuri reciprocating the feelings that he has or was it just a sign of him moving on? Yuri might not even be ready to dive into a relationship yet…

There are so many questions to ask, so much more things to talk about… Yet there was no time. Once the filming is over, it would take a couple of months before the launch of the promotional tour. Once the promotions and airing is done, Victor might never have a chance to see Yuri ever again.

 

Yuri the love of his life. Yuri his air and water. Yuri his reason for living. Yuri –

 

“Victor!”

 

At the sound of his name, Victor’s heart soared. _Yuri!_

But at the sight, Victor’s heart dropped. Shori…

 

“Victor! Hey, wait up. If you are looking for Yuri, he must be out by the back taking a puff. We all know how directors do all these cuts for a quick snuff break.”

The Russian man’s face felt tight.

 

“He would be back in a while. Maybe longer. Who knows? I’ve got wind that he is very promiscuous. I heard he has been giving free head by the back room. Disgusting.”

The Russian man’s fist clenched.

 

“It is expected of him. I mean how would he be able to get all of these people to be his friends if it weren’t for him exchanging sexual favors?”

“Is he?”

“Isn’t he? I just hope that this film would not flop.”

“Oh.”

“But I believe that it won’t be much of a problem since there is you in it. Want to spend the night later? I know a nice bar nearby. What do you –”

 

“Vicchan!”

 

_“Yuri.”_

 

Like a guilty puppy, the Russian stalked towards the patient and gentle Japanese, whose lips are pressed tightly together, brows furrowed, distant from the rest. Seeing as the younger man fumed silently at the accusations, Victor spurred into action. He took a step forward and spread his arms apart.

Surprised by the Russian’s sudden action, Yuri just stood by staring silently at Victor, letting his rage slip off. With an aid of a push from the back, accompanied by snickers, Yuri felt himself falling in the warm embrace of husky sweat and powdery fruity scented make-up.

“Ah!”

 

“Vicchan, what are you doing?!”

The startled man tried to struggle his way out of the embrace as he heard the snickers and the persistent snaps of a camera. He tried to push the older man away but his hands were caught between both of their bodies. He tried to take a step back, but the warmth of the embrace had him wavering.

“Vicchan?”

Yuri whispered to the now shaking man. At the sound of his name, all he did was tighten the embrace. Yuri’s face was now a full flush, with the steams of embarrassment visible above his messy tuft.

Sighing at the sight of Victor, who was trying to control Yuri’s anger, the latter melted into the embrace and managed to wiggle his hands free to return the embrace.

 

“Pay up!”

“It has been barely 2 minutes!? This is not part of the deal, Chulanont.”

“Oh, it so is. Come on, I thought you are a graceful loser, Chris? Or has your hubby spoilt you rotten?”

“I am a graceful loser and by the way, my hubby does more than just spoil me rotten. The bet was on how long they were gonna continue hugging. My bet was on 2 minutes and it is barely 2 minutes! I call for judgement.”

“Objection! I am pretty sure, they would be stuck there despite the interruptions and crowd. So it doesn’t matter if it is a full 2 minutes or not. Just pay up, before I leak that image of you in that hideous t-shirt.”

“You won’t dare! I can trade you images of Victor’s hideous bed hair, if you give me some dirt.”

“Deal. But you still owe me money.”

“Anything that floats your boat, Mr. Perfect-eyeliner.”

“Glad to do business with you, Mr. Perfectbooty_bootilicious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to complete this by the 3rd chapter but I was having difficulties trying to find time to expand the work, so I thought why not i just put up the half that i have completed.
> 
> Hope this wont be bad... Although there is another reason why I choose the song for this chapter, i wonder if anyone of you can spot it? Hint: it has something to do with the unit group. 
> 
> Hope you would forgive me for my inconsistent updates and thank you all once more for giving me and my story a try! I really appreciate it

**Author's Note:**

> Моя любовь - My Love
> 
> I've tried to make the things as real as possible but if I did make any mistakes, please feel free to correct me.
> 
> You can find me at [Tumblr](http://buoyantblithe.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/buoyantfloats)
> 
> Feel free to drop a comment anywhere, drop them below or PM me or ask me on Tumblr! I am Blithe, thank you for reading!!
> 
> P.S. If you are interested in the work I mentioned, feel free to check out my original series (plot might be slightly overused but the characters aren't) titled slipping at xnblithe.wordpress.com
> 
> *shameless promotions*
> 
> Edit: I made some changes to the story but honestly, sometimes I wish I would be able to get the response i want... Makes me regret posting this at a certain timing... But fear not, the next chapter is on its way~


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